The Fandrogyne

~ Went out to meet a friend the morning, to get help getting giant bags of cat litter home, and while I was out we stopped by the Granville Street Diner to give their food a try. Despite hearing reviews from locals like, "The food's not that great," or, "Don't bother going there," I found it a pretty good place. The food wasn't spectacular or anything, but it was exactly what I was hoping for, and the hot hamburger I had was really close to hot hamburgers served by a restaurant that I miss because it's back in the city I moved here from. I haven't had one in almost a year, and it wasn't exactly the same, but it was close enough to be comparable, so I was pretty happy with it.

The service was extremely fast, and I haven't yet found another restaurant that serves bottomless mugs of tea, coffee, or hot chocolate for only $2. So in all, a good restaurant when you want cheap tasty food but want something a bit more substantial than fast food.

~ Had a dream that I came out to my parents as transgender, and despite knowing I've told them such before in real life (though mostly that I don't identify with my physical/assigned sex), in the dream, they freaked out. Maybe because I'd made the decision to start living with a male appearance and was working toward that in a much more serious way than they'd ever seen, I don't know, but they were both extremely unhappy, talking about how they'd lost a daughter and were really upset and didn't know how to handle it.

I can get people not knowing how to handle it when someone comes out to them, because it's a mental readjustment you have to make, but even in the dream the whole "I've lost a daughter" bit stung, because they haven't had a daughter since I was in my early teens and decided that nope, I don't like being female, even though I'd never heard the word transgender at that point. I even remember one time, out shopping with my mother, when she made some comment about me having grown up so well but to her I'll always be her little girl, and I turned around in the middle of the mall and said to her that I am not a little girl. And I think she took it to mean that I was embarrassed by her and that I'm a grown person and not a kid, but even that hurt because only 2 days before that I'd talked to her about why I hated being female and the assumptions people made about me when they saw female attributes. It felt like she was trying to shove me back into some parent-approved box that I had just finished telling her I don't fit in.

So it's not like my parents haven't heard some of my trans issues. But I don't think they remember them very well, because we barely see each other anyway and conversations are so far apart and my issues aren't central to either of their lives. In the dream, I tried to tell them that getting so wailingly upset and making the announcement all about them was derailing and offensive, because I was being brave trying to be honest with them about a big part of my identity and struggles and they're now making it all about how hard it is to be them, having a kid with those struggles.

I have no idea why I had this dream, but wow, do I ever feel uncomfortable about the next time I talk to either of them...

~ But in happier news, I got a lot more Final Fantasy X played last night! I got through the horrible Blitzball game in Luca, and it only took me 4 resets before I actually won the tournament. I know winning isn't essential to the game progressing, but it just feels wrong to let Wakka's last game be a failure instead of a victory. I won, 1-0, and I consider even a single goal to be a good thing because I am absolutely terrible at that minigame!

I stopped playing right before the Chocobo Eater boss battle, and did a bit of level-grinding right before that so I'd be in decent condition when I fight later.

~ I did get some writing done, though I'm not caught up to where I should be by NaNo standards. Closer than before, though. I'm a bit less than a day behind now, instead of two days, so it won't take me much effort to catch back up. I just need to sit down and actually write, instead of getting distracted by fun video games.

~ Caught up on episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The fact that I'm not a kid doesn't make that show any less awesome.

~ Apparently getting chest reconstruction will set me back about $7,500 plus whatever it costs to travel to Ontario and back. Which puts that firmly out of my price range for the foreseeable future. I could theoretically lose enough weight to get to a BMI of 27 or under, and then my provincial health plan might be willing to help with a reduction that would take of 1-3 cup sizes, but that's a solution that requires about as much time and effort as the reconstruction, without the benefit of actually having my chest properly reconstructed. I'm unfortunate enough to live in 1 of the 2 provinces where gender reassignment surgery isn't covered by a provincial health plan, so I can either get a half-assed solution for free, or pay out of pocket for what I really need and want.

I didn't think something could be so hopeful and yet so depressing at the same time...

~ Had a really tasty chicken lasagna for supper! It was a prepackaged one, not one that I made myself, but it was a good price and really good, so I'd probably buy it again when I'm in the mood to eat decent food but not to cook it from scratch.

Though cooking a chicken lasagna from scratch might be fun too.

~ Once again, slept way too late for comfort. I think it was partly because it was so hot again, and I have a hard time sleeping in the heat. It's supposed to be much cooler for the rest of the week, so I hope that helps me get to sleep sooner so I'm not wasting a good chunk of the night just trying to get out of bed.